


send a little love my way.

by junfhongs



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: F/M, Sehun/Tao - Freeform, broken!Kris/Suho, friends-with-benefits!girl!Baekhyun/Chanyeol, girl!Baekhyun/Yonghwa, girl!Lay/Luhan, minor!Chen/Taeyeon, side!Chanyeol/girl!Kyungsoo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-19
Updated: 2014-01-19
Packaged: 2018-07-18 02:49:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7296472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junfhongs/pseuds/junfhongs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ten years into Baekyeon and Jongdae's relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	send a little love my way.

Baekyeon groans as she opens her eyes and the light immediately flashes down on her. She rolls over and buries her head in the pillow, freezing when it doesn’t smell like her usual sheets. Her hands clench into fists when she recognizes the scent, something she thought she distanced herself from.  
  
She sits up immediately and bites her lip when she sees her ex splayed out on the bed beside her. Baekyeon forces herself to hold in the tears collecting in her eyes.  
  
The bewildered girl slowly crawls out of the mess of tangled up sheets. She picks up her clothes and hastily puts them on, sighing in relief when she feels her phone in the pocket of her shorts. Before Baekyeon shuts the door behind her, she flips her middle finger at his sleeping form and drops his phone into the trash can. He deserves it.  
  
With her short shorts and messed up top, she goes down to the sidewalk in front of the building. Only then does she allow herself to cry, heavy sobs shaking her tiny frame. Baekyeon fishes for her phone in her pocket, pressing the first contact on her speed dial.  
  
_“Hello?”_  Jongdae’s groggy voice sends a calming chill down her spine.  
  
“Jongdae! Jongdae, please,  _please_  pick me up. Please, I’m begging you, I-I just... I need to get out of here. Get me out of here,” she rambles on. On the other end of the phone, she can almost imagine how he stumbles out of bed and rushes to put clothes on. She can hear him curse as he hits his toe on the door frame, like how he always does, and she can hear the jingling of his many keys as he picks them up from the counter beside the door.  
  
_“Baekyeon, can you tell me where you are? I’m going down to my car, but I don’t know where to look for you,”_  Jongdae asks. The girl looks around and she realizes that Jongdae lives kind of far from where she is.  
  
“In m-my ex’s place. Like, if your back is facing my dorm building, it’s two blocks to the left then four streets to the right? I’m not s-sure. Please come here soon, Jongdae.” She whispers,  _“I need you,”_  as quietly as she can.  
  
_“I’ll be there in a while,”_  Jongdae says.  _“Please stop crying. Come on, dummy. You can do this.”_  
  
“I don’t know, Jongdae! I don’t know if I can do this anymore. I thought... I thought I was over him.” She starts crying again and looks back behind her. He’s not going to wake up and look for her. He was  _never_ the one who put effort into chasing after her.  
  
Jongdae keeps talking and talking at the other end of the phone, and Baekyeon is grateful for his soothing voice. He keeps her grounded; he always keeps her grounded. They’ve been best friends for years now, and she doesn’t know how she can ever survive without him.  
  
After a few more minutes of pacing and quietly crying, Jongdae’s beat-up car arrives in front of the building. Hastily, Baekyeon sits down on the passenger seat and stares at the dashboard. It only takes a hand on her shoulder and Jongdae’s concerned expression before she starts openly crying again.  
  
Jongdae takes off his seatbelt and reaches out to hug her. Baekyeon fits her head under his chin and lets herself relax to his touch. It’s calming: the way he rubs her hair and murmurs unintelligible words into her ear.  
  
It feels nice and soothing, until the low words start becoming more distinct and Baekyeon starts hearing _“taco,” “bulgogi,” “green tea ice cream,”_  and other random shit that comes out from Jongdae’s mind. Baekyeon starts laughing, weakly hitting Jongdae’s chest.  
  
“Alright, that’s enough, you ass. Let’s go get some food before you start thinking that my hair smells like fried chicken and start eating it.” They roll their eyes at each other and buckle up. Jongdae brushes hair away from her eyes, and then he starts driving.  
  
  
  
  
  
Jongdae drops her off at the female dormitories of their university. She thanks him for the jacket he left for her to borrow and cover herself up. “It’s fine,” Jongdae says. Baekyeon’s just thankful.  
  
As she arrives at her room, her roommate, Sooyeon, greets her with a wide grin. “Did you get laid last night?”  
  
Baekyeon tries to ignore her and grab her clothes without any fuss or chaos or potentially dignity-ruining questions. Sooyeon refuses to let go.  
  
“Was it a booty call?”  
  
The other girl drops her clothes on her bed. “Yes, okay. My ex-boyfriend called me up, I was tipsy, and I went to his apartment. We had sex. I woke up, and then I felt horrible. Is that enough for you?”  
  
Sooyeon stops typing on her laptop. “I didn’t know  _he_  was the one who called. I’m sorry.”  
  
She sighs. “I’m going to take a shower now.” Baekyeon hesitates for a second. “Can you keep this a secret? Please? I don’t want everyone to know that I...  _you know_  with him again.”  
  
Sooyeon makes a gesture of zipping her lips and goes back to her laptop. Baekyeon’s grateful that she’s the nosy, but not noisy type.  
  
Her bath cleanses her of her mistakes, clears her mind of everything that she’s been thinking of.  _It’s just one night, Baekyeon. One night when you messed up really bad. You can do this. You’ve moved on,_ she tells herself.  
  
The harder part is looking at herself in the mirror afterwards. She sees marks of him, bits and pieces of last night that she  _never_  wants to think about ever again. He’s an ass, and she’s happy that they broke up. But it doesn’t stop her from thinking of what would have happened if she had stayed with him for just a little longer. It doesn’t stop her from thinking of  _what if_  and  _maybe._  
  
Her phone beeps, alerting her of a new message. It’s Jongdae.  
  
  
**From:**  jongdae  
  
hey dummy. don’t beat yourself up too much about last night. he’s an ass and you’ve got a great ass.  
  
haha. you’re not laughing at that, i bet.  
  
just kidding. you free to go out tonight? i dragged along chanyeol and jongin with me. meet us at nine in the usual bar?  
  
  
Baekyeon sighs, slipping on her clothes. She doesn’t have a very good memory about the last time she drank, so she doesn’t reply instantly.  
  
She receives another text in the next minute.  
  
  
**From:**  king chanyeol harharhar  
  
yo r u goin tonight?  
  
  
_Fine, you two. Just as long as you go away._  
  
  
**To:**  jongdae  
  
too much testosterone. i need more womanly parts in this group.  
  
  
Sooyeon’s still on her bed, looking at her phone, when she exits the bathroom. She’s hoping that it isn’t Chanyeol or Jongin trying to convince her to convince Baekyeon to join them. At least it isn’t Jongdae. That guy always has some hidden blackmail material on everyone.  
  
  
**From:**  jongdae  
  
we can bring along sehun and zitao? they’re practically girls, right??  
  
  
Baekyeon laughs. She imagines that Jongdae’s laughing too, especially since they’re the ones with the shared sense of humor.  
  
  
**To:**  jongdae  
  
alright i’m going. pick me up in my room. i’ll wear that black dress you like so much ;) ;) ;)  
  
  
**From:**  jongdae  
  
haha i’m glad to see that dress make a comeback again ;) ;) ;) ;)  
  
be careful though. chanyeol’s hands are extra grabby when he’s drunk.  
  
  
**To:**  jongdae  
  
i think jongin’s the one he’d be more likely to grab than me...  
  
  
  
  
  
The bartender hands her whatever cocktail she ordered, and she coyly sips at it, looking at Jongdae the entire time. Her best friend rolls his eyes, taking a swig from his beer. She eyes how his adam’s apple bobs when he swallows, and the sudden temptation to choke him hits her.  
  
She’s distracted by a hand slapping her butt and she doesn’t have to turn around and act disgusted to know that it’s Chanyeol. And yeah, he is kind of drunk.  
  
“Hey!” he yells, sliding his arm around Baekyeon’s waist. She’s used to this, so she just hits him lightly on the arm and straightens her back so that she looks close to his height, even while sitting on a high bar stool. Chanyeol starts laughing randomly and yeah, he’s really drunk.  
  
“It’s only ten-thirty; how’d you get drunk so fast?” she asks.  
  
“All it takes is,  _‘I’ll pay for everything,’_  for him to lose control,” Sehun dryly comments. Baekyeon sees a hand groping his butt, and Zitao’s glazed eyes just prove that they are practically girls. Girls with guy parts, that is.  
  
Zitao and Sehun vanish off to a corner while Jongin and Chanyeol attempt to down more shots than each other. Jongdae and Baekyeon gladly offer to pay just to see which one of the two idiots would win the drinking game for tonight.  
  
Baekyeon loses count in the middle of Jongdae’s obnoxious laughing. She catches someone’s eye, a guy who’s sitting on a table at the side of the room.  _He’s cute,_  she thinks to herself and takes a deliberate sip on her drink. He smiles, calmly gesturing to the dance floor. Baekyeon finishes off her glass and drops it on the bar.  
  
The hide and seek in the middle of the crowd leaves her breathless when she finds him, but it gets even harder to breathe when their eyes have finally connected. She grinds messily against him, not caring about how they look or if he seems a little older than twenty, to be honest.  
  
She stops moving when there’s a hand on her ass. Gently, she takes it off and backs away, leaving him with a sweet smile and a short wave.  
  
At the bar, Jongdae stares at her with judging eyes. “What?” she asks. “It’s a club. I usually get laid in clubs.”  
  
He drapes a coat over her tiny frame. “Let’s go home.”  
  
Before they can exit the club, the guy she was dancing with stops them. He smiles at her, and she has to admit that it has her swooning a bit. “Can I know your name, at the very least? I don’t want to be dreaming of a nameless face tonight.”  
  
“Sorry,” Jongdae interrupts. He places an arm around her waist, pulling her close to him. “She’s  _mine._ ”  
  
The stern tone in his voice is certainly believable, and the guy backs away. Jongdae chuckles as he drags her out. She leans her head on his shoulder, wrapping herself well with his coat.  
  
  
  
  
  
Jongdae and Baekyeon have always had “The Post-Break Up Protocol.”  
  
Like when in high school and Baekyeon’s boyfriend rejected her invitation to go to prom with her and broke up with her, Jongdae was there for her. He was the one who went to her house with ice cream and soda and other things that she probably shouldn’t be eating if she really wanted to fit in the dress that she bought. He was the one who sat down on her bed and let her cry on his shoulder for around thirty minutes while he watched anything he could find on cable. He also ended up being her impromptu date at the night of the prom, and he picked her up from her house and shook her parents’ hands and placed the corsage on her wrist. He was the one who danced with her, even while they tripped on each other’s feet and ended up on the rooftop to get away from the stuffy atmosphere and annoying drama queens who all wanted to dance with the same guy.  
  
Baekyeon was there for him at the time that Jongdae’s first girlfriend in college broke up with him right in the middle of his finals week. She was the one who brought ice cream to his apartment and ignored the security guard who told her that going up without a resident’s pass isn’t allowed. She was the one who let him lean on her while he finished half of the liter of ice cream all by himself. She was the one who shoved a book at his face and forced him to study so that he wouldn’t fail at relationships and his exams. She was the one who pushed him even if he didn’t want to be pushed around.  
  
And maybe the best part is that they don’t really need to say that they need all of these things. All they really need is a text message that says,  _“come over please,”_  and they’d rush to each other’s side. It’s the fact that their friendship is built on familiarity and how they can just read each other’s mind in a second.  
  
Baekyeon is in love with how well they work together. Jongdae is in love with how they work.  
  
  
  
  
  
Baekyeon doesn’t know how she finds herself naked in Chanyeol’s bed, wrapped up in his sheets. The giant is still sleeping beside her, and when the memories of last night flood back to her, she can’t say she completely regrets it.  
  
It takes a while before Chanyeol wakes up. Baekyeon’s already showered and is playing Temple Run on her phone while sitting on his couch. He groans, putting on clothes as fast as he can.  
  
“Good morning,” he greets. Chanyeol grabs eggs and other ingredients for breakfast. “Sunny side?”  
  
“Soft yolk, please,” she says sweetly, not looking up from her phone. “Good morning, by the way.”  
  
As they eat breakfast in front of the TV and watch cartoons and replays of dramas, it isn’t as awkward as Baekyeon expected. Maybe it’s because this is  _Chanyeol,_  and Chanyeol is one of her best friends. She’s not going to deny it: the sex wasn’t bad. And right before he inched closer to kiss her, he did ask if there were no strings attached to whatever was going to happen next. She agreed.  
  
_It’s really simple. It’s okay to get attached to the dick, but not the one who it’s attached to. Easy deal,_ she tells herself.  
  
And Chanyeol does make it an easy deal. He’s one of her best friends. There’s an unspeakable amount of trust between them.  
  
Her phone beeps.  
  
  
**From:**  jongdae  
  
hey where are you? i was supposed to pick you up so i can help you look for an apartment, remember?  
  
  
“Fuck,” she mutters. She’s already dressed and bathed, so she drops her dish in the sink and waves goodbye to Chanyeol quickly. She faintly hears him say,  _“Have fun, married couple,”_  and rolls her eyes. She has no time for his “married couple” jokes.  
  
Baekyeon sends him a text to pick her up at a coffee shop near Chanyeol’s building. By the time he arrives, she already has cups of coffee for both of them and a list of apartments near the campus. There’s no seat across of her, so they settle with her sitting on his lap.  
  
“Alright, since we’re starting from this area, we should make a route map to save gas,” says Baekyeon.  
  
“At least you’re considering my transportation expenses for the first time ever,” Jongdae comments. The girl on his lap frowns and hits his hand with a bagel.  
  
“Will you shut up and get your coffee so that we can go?” She stands up and walks out without him, leaving the male bewildered and completely amused.  
  
  
  
  
  
Halfway through second year, Chanyeol brings a girl to one of their group lunches. The petite woman smiles at them with her big doe eyes and heart-shaped lips. Chanyeol towers over her, but they can see that she fits perfectly in his gangly arms.  
  
“This is Kyungsoon. Kyungsoon, this is the gang,” Chanyeol proudly introduces. The others also introduce themselves, and by the end of the lunch, it’s almost as if Kyungsoon’s been part of the group since forever.  
  
Baekyeon sits next to her and gives her a shit-eating grin. “Tell me  _all_  about how you met Chanyeol.”  
  
“Well,” Kyungsoon hesitates before leaning closer and lowering her voice, “I met him in a cooking class.”  
  
“No way.” Baekyeon starts laughing and hides her face in her hands. “Tell me more, tell me more.”  
  
“We were partnered with each other, and I have to admit that he’s not bad. We just got to know each other through cooking and then we saw each other on campus one time. He’s... really sweet, if he wants to be.” She stares at him with sickening longing, and Baekyeon makes  _“I want to throw up”_  eyes at Jongdae. The latter returns the look.  
  
“We’ve been dating for a few months now. He asked me to be his girlfriend a few weeks ago, and here we are.”  
  
Baekyeon looks at Chanyeol. The way his eyes light up while he’s talking and laughing is different, and he’s definitely not the same old bully that they all knew in high school.  
  
Kyungsoon looks at her watch and groans, standing up to take her bag from beside Chanyeol. “I’ve got a class in ten minutes. I’ve got to go, bye!”  
  
“I’ll come with you--” Chanyeol offers, but Kyungsoon puts a hand up to stop him.  
  
“Your next class is in an hour. Go stay with them.” She tiptoes to peck his cheek and runs to her lecture room.  
  
The others start packing up too, leaving Chanyeol alone with Baekyeon. They smile at each other, and Baekyeon observes how he unintentionally touches the cheek that Kyungsoon kissed as if it’s the most precious spot in the world.  
  
“You are so smitten over her,” Baekyeon teases. There’s really no point in it, seeing that Chanyeol’s already as red as a tomato.  
  
“I’m not  _that_  smitten,” Chanyeol retorts.  
  
“You are. Just look at you. You’re an even worse bumbling mess than you were in high school.” The thought of Chanyeol back then suddenly hits her, and she can’t even see the faintest hint of that mean bully that they forced themselves to befriend so that the teachers would think that they’re good people.  
  
“Hell, you’re barely even that guy in high school anymore.”  
  
Chanyeol looks up, straight into her eyes. “I’m not?”  
  
Baekyeon smiles. “You’re not. You’ve changed so much, Chanyeol, and I have to admit that you’ve changed in all the good ways. I’m happy that you’re happy. I’m happy that she makes you so happy.”  
  
Chanyeol looks thoughtful, pensive. “I think I’m in love with her.”  
  
“You  _think?_ ”  
  
Chanyeol rolls his eyes. “It’s only been a few months since we knew each other; I don’t want to rush my own feelings because it’s what I should be  _expecting_  myself to feel. I’m sure that I like her, and I’m also sure that there’s no one else who makes me feel this way. She’s special, Baekyeon. She makes me laugh all the time and she understands all of my weird antics and we think so alike even if she may seem like a petrified deer beside a raging tiger. I’ve never felt this way before.  _Never._ ”  
  
“What if she’s the one?” Baekyeon asks, teasing. Deep inside, she wants to know the answer. Chanyeol isn’t--or  _wasn’t_ \--the type of guy she’d associate with those who fall in love too easily. He’s not the one who meets the girl in some lame setting like a cooking class and suddenly starts falling in love with her as fast as a ball rolling down a hill. He’s the type who meets a girl at a club and sleeps with her and meets her somewhere that they aren’t both drunk and  _that’s_  when he starts falling in love with her. He’s not a romantic.  
  
But now, Baekyeon sees that in him. And maybe it’s because she’s always been too focused on the fact that  _he’s that bully that they were forced to befriend so that the teachers would think that they’re good people._  Maybe it’s time to change what she sees in Chanyeol.  
  
He starts laughing loudly, and the spontaneity startles Baekyeon into laughing as well. “Let’s not go that far, Baekyeon. I like her, and I hope she likes me back.”  
  
“Trust me, Chanyeol.” Baekyeon leans forward. “She likes you  _a lot._ ”  
  
  
  
  
  
The landlord smiles at them and lets them inside the apartment.  
  
“It’s fully-furnished, and you have a great view of the city up here. I also heard that your university isn’t too far and there are lots of places to get some part-time jobs or so nearby.” The middle-aged man seems a little nervous while watching Baekyeon and Jongdae observe the apartment unit.  
  
“Could you give us a few minutes to look around by ourselves?” Jongdae asks politely. The landlord just nods, leaving the room and closing the door behind him.  
  
Baekyeon squeals, running to the kitchen counter and giving it a big hug. “I love this place, Jongdae! It’s _beautiful._ ”  
  
The man agrees, touching the glass of the sliding door that leads to the small balcony. “You can see the sunset from here, even past all the smoke and buildings.”  
  
When he turns around, Baekyeon’s seated on the couch that’s facing the window. She pats the spot beside her and Jongdae sits down comfortably, placing an arm around her shoulders. She’s comfortable enough to lean into his body and hug his waist tightly.  
  
They watch as the sun slowly vanishes into the horizon, and while Jongdae’s completely captivated by it, Baekyeon’s starting to drift off. They had been looking at units the entire day, and she almost can’t remember anything about the other places that they looked at.  
  
A cough disturbs the two of them, and light suddenly floods the room. “Sorry for disturbing you two,” the man mutters.  
  
He leads them to the bedroom. “Since we said that this is fully-furnished, we already have a king-sized bed for both of you.” When they don’t respond, his palms start sweating. “You’re moving in together, right?” Another awkward pause. “You  _are_  a couple, aren’t you?”  
  
It takes them another second of staring dumbly at him before they deny profusely, complete with the matching arm waving and awkward laughing. “No! No, we are not.” Jongdae’s smile is forced, but he’s laughing deep inside too. Baekyeon laughs openly, clutching her stomach and the doorframe with her other hand.  
  
“How much would this unit cost?” Baekyeon asks when she calms down.  
  
“It’s still up for negotiation, but here’s the estimated rent.” He hands them a paper and their eyes widen. They look at each other and Jongdae smiles sadly as he hands the paper back to the landlord.  
  
“It’s a great unit, but the price is a little...  _steep_  for my budget. Thank you for showing us around,” Baekyeon says with disappointment in her voice.  
  
When they’re ready to go back to Baekyeon’s dorm, Jongdae doesn’t start the car yet. Baekyeon looks upset as she looks out of the window and towards the apartment building. Jongdae gently guides her face to face him with a hand on his chin.  
  
“It’s okay,” soothes Jongdae.  
  
“I know. I just really liked it there.”  
  
Jongdae squeezes her shoulder. “You know, I’ll always be looking for a roommate.”  
  
“Are you serious?” Jongdae shrugs. Baekyeon unbuckles her seatbelt and reaches over to hug him.  
  
“You know that I love your place and it’s practically my second home now, but I wouldn’t want to bother you. I’ll be fine in the dorms,” Baekyeon assures him. She buckles up and they go home.  
  
  
  
  
  
Baekyeon wakes up at two forty-nine AM because of her phone’s endless beeping. She squints her eyes as the screen’s bright light surprises her. There are four messages, all sent with two to three minutes between each of them.  
  
  
**From:**  jongdae  
  
come over please  
  
  
**From:**  jongdae  
  
please come over  
  
  
**From:**  jongdae  
  
i really need you. please come over.  
  
  
**From:**  jongdae  
  
i know it’s nearly three am and you’re probably asleep and i’m expecting too much from you by asking you to come here, but i really need you. i don’t know what to do, baekyeon. you’re the only one that can help me right now.  
  
come over. please.  
  
  
By the time she finishes reading all four, she’s already wearing a thick coat over her t-shirt and pajama pants. She runs to the nearest convenience store and buys ice cream, the first flavor she can get her hands on. It’s triple chocolate, and she’s glad that it’s a flavor that Jongdae really likes. She rushes to pay and run to Jongdae’s apartment building.  
  
The security guard’s asleep, so there are no objections to her running to the elevator and nearly breaking the button to the fifth floor. Baekyeon quickly texts Jongdae to tell him that she’s here, and the shaky sound of the elevator doors opening pushes her to run to Jongdae’s door as fast as she can.  
  
Jongdae’s already waiting for her, and she storms into the house, dropping the plastic tub on the kitchen counter. She reaches out to hug Jongdae by the neck, and his arms slide around her waist. It’s her favorite part about being nearly the same height as he is: they fit nicely with each other and she only has to tiptoe a little.  
  
“What happened?” she murmurs into his hair. Baekyeon feels a shiver run through his spine and she hugs him tighter.  
  
“I don’t know, Baekyeon. I’m suddenly hit with this...  _fear._  I’m afraid that I’m not doing the right thing.”  
  
She pulls away slightly. Her hands frame the sides of his face and he’s still hugging her by the waist. “What are you talking about, Jongdae?”  
  
He doesn’t look at her, but his grip tightens. He looks down and looks pensive. Jongdae’s rarely ever this hesitant.  
  
Baekyeon forces him to look at her. “Hey. This is me. It’s just me. You can tell me anything.”  
  
Jongdae’s hands slide over to hold her waist. “I-I... I have feelings-- a  _feeling_  that this isn’t the course for me.” His hands nervously slide up and down her sides. “I suck at everything and I don’t see myself doing this for the rest of my life and I don’t know what to  _do--_ ”  
  
“Shh. Relax,” Baekyeon calmly says. She strokes his cheeks, enjoying the blush on his face. “You can do this, Jongdae. You’ve been through a lot of crap before, and I know you can make it through this.”  
  
“I’m thinking of shifting, but it’s nearly my third year. I don’t want to waste my time.”  
  
“Jongdae, you’re going to waste  _the rest of your life_  if you don’t choose to do something that you want to do  _now._ ”  
  
His hands still. Baekyeon tiptoes to hug him again, and this time, Jongdae just sags into her arms. They lean on each other for a while before Jongdae pulls away and squeezes her hand.  
  
“Thank you,” he whispers.  
  
_No problem,_  she mouths back.  
  
Baekyeon places the tub of ice cream in his freezer. “Can I sleep over tonight? I’m too tired to run back to my dorms.” Jongdae nods and turns off the lights in the kitchen.  
  
When he turns around, Baekyeon’s already out of her coat, wearing a tight-fitting shirt. “Do you want to borrow one of mine?”  
  
Baekyeon grins and goes to his cabinet, randomly grabbing one of his large white shirts. For some reason, his clothes fit her well, and she’s always comfortable when she feels his warmth from the smell of the fabric. His smell is different from everyone else’s. It’s comforting, familiar.  
  
Wordlessly, they crawl into bed. Maybe it’s because they’ve known each other for years now; Baekyeon trusts Jongdae and vice versa. Maybe it’s because they’ve been through so much separately, and the only person who was truly there for them was each other. No matter what, Baekyeon and Jongdae naturally drift closer and closer and closer, like two waves that are ready to crash. It’s explosive, the reaction, but they stay because this is worth it.  
  
Nothing actually happens. Baekyeon hugs Jongdae’s chest and Jongdae has an arm under her head and they sleep peacefully. And they’re just there, just breathing and being, but Baekyeon hasn’t felt this close to Jongdae in a while. Even if they spend almost all of their time together, personal space disregarded as they practically hang off each other, it’s as if Jongdae’s been distant all this time.  
  
Baekyeon’s happy to feel him again, to know that she knows him again.  
  
  
  
  
  
Jongdae wakes up because of a something biting his nose.  
  
“Ouch!” He flails his arms and hits somebody. That “someone” turns out to be Baekyeon, and even with her hand on her forehead, she’s still grinning at him.  
  
“What the hell was that for?” Jongdae wipes away the feeling of her teeth on his nose. “It’s really weird, by the way.”  
  
Baekyeon giggles, standing up and pull the sheets off Jongdae. “Come on. You’re my best friend and that means you’re obligated to help me cook breakfast.”  
  
Jongdae glares at her back while she leaves the room. He picks himself up and follows her to the kitchen. It’s probably not acceptable to hug her from behind and lean his head on her shoulder, but he’s tired and she’s warm and it’s Baekyeon. It’s  _just_  Baekyeon. There’s nothing to be worried about, right?  
  
Right?  
  
  
  
  
  
Baekyeon runs to hug Joonmyun when she sees him for the first time in months. The rest of the original gang in high school is slowly entering the restaurant that they agreed to meet in, and Baekyeon’s excited to see everyone again.  
  
Minhee enters with her bombshell legs and Chanyeol lets out a loud whistle. “Someone’s looking hot now.” She merely shrugs before Jongin starts hitting on her as a joke. Minhee starts hitting Jongin and the younger male runs away before she can do any serious damage to him.  
  
Luhan enters with a girl in tow. Chanyeol’s the first one to complain. “Hey! I thought we agreed that there would be no girlfriends or boyfriends here.”  
  
Baekyeon starts laughing. He’s clearly not comfortable without Kyungsoon behind him, trying to prevent him from causing any trouble. They’ve been together for a year now, and she’s not lying when she says that they’re probably falling for each other more and more each day. They’re disgusting.  
  
“Chanyeol, it’s just me.” The girl is actually Yixue, someone that Luhan had always liked ever since she transferred from China to their school in senior year. She smiles at everyone, and Baekyeon decides that she’d be the one to officially welcome her into the group by tackling her in a hug until they nearly topple over each other.  
  
“Welcome to the group! We don’t have cookies, but we are pretty cool.” Baekyeon pauses. “Sometimes.”  
  
It’s a good thing that Yixue’s just rides with everything; she just laughs at Baekyeon’s lame attempts at trying to be funny. She squeezes into the booth beside the two other girls. Minhee seems to be close to her, instantly latching onto her arm when they’re put beside each other. When the others give them odd looks, Yixue answers, “We had a few classes together and she’s Luhan’s best friend so we’re close.”  
  
Luhan leans down to kiss her quickly and everyone else groans. “No PDA please!” Sehun yells.  
  
When the door opens and Yifan steps in, it’s like a bucket of cold water dropped on everyone, especially Joonmyun. The smaller male looks down and messes with his phone while Chanyeol greets Yifan loudly and tries, desperately tries, to make the mood a little lighter.  
  
It’s common knowledge that his split with Joonmyun was... not clean. It wasn’t easy for both of them, and it’s clear with how they can’t even look at each other. Yifan tries to smile, tries to act normal, but it’s really not easy.  
  
Sehun attaches himself to Zitao once the latter finally arrives. While everyone’s happily chatting and all, Baekyeon texts Jongdae and asks him where he is. The man doesn’t reply, and of course she starts to worry. What if he's in trouble? Or worse, what if he  _forgot?_  
  
Jongdae bursts in and grins at everyone. "Sorry I'm late! I had a paper to cram and is almost forgot until _someone_  sent over ten messages to me just to ask me why I'm late." Baekyeon giggles and looks away.  
  
The male takes a seat and they start ordering. Jongin and Sehun crack jokes and Chanyeol makes fun of everyone and Baekyeon realizes that she misses this. She misses it a lot.  
  
  
  
  
  
After sharing eight bottles of soju and too much meat, most of them are drunk and laughing at the lights in the ceiling. Minhee and Chanyeol are comfortably cuddling in the booth; Zitao and Sehun are comfortably making out in front of everyone; Joonmyun is eating on some leftover lettuce like a little rabbit; Yixue is sleeping, arms draped over Luhan who's still drinking straight from a bottle.  
  
"Jongdae!" Baekyeon yells. The man being called raises his head from the mug of beer that he was staring into.  
  
She climbs past Joonmyun, Jongin and Yifan just to climb onto his lap. Jongdae groans at her weight, but he places an arm to support her back. Baekyeon starts giggling again.  
  
"Let's go home," she whines to Jongdae.  
  
"Alright, I'll try to drive you to your dorms," he says, trying to fish his keys out of his coat pocket. Baekyeon places a stern hand on his.  
  
"You are  _not_  driving while you're drunk. Also, you know that bad things happen when Sooyeon sees me drunk." The memory of her email being flooded with pictures of her passed out in the bathtub with two snapbacks covering her chest makes her shudder. Sooyeon can be very,  _very_  dangerous if she wants to be.  
  
"Fine. I'll call a cab." Jongdae pushes her away and climbs out of his seat. He holds her hand and helps her stand up. Baekyeon ends up leaning on him and holding into his jacket as if it's her lifeline.  
  
"Bye guys. We had lots and lots of fun tonight." Baekyeon starts one of her giggling fits again. Jongdae guides her out of the restaurant and calls a cab. It’s a little late and the two obviously look, sound and smell very drunk. The cab driver doesn’t comment on anything as Jongdae gives them the directions to his apartment.  
  
Baekyeon grabs the keys from the pocket inside Jongdae’s coat. She struggles to fit the key inside the lock, especially while she’s still laughing at everything and Jongdae is leaning on the wall beside her, smiling at her like it isn’t one in the morning and they aren’t drunk enough to see the walls warping and spinning around them. He smiles at her and hugs her from behind until she finally opens the door and they fall inside.  
  
Baekyeon crawls her way to his bedroom, climbing to get on the bed. Jongdae flops down beside her, not even bothering to turn off the lights in the hallway and close the door. They hide under the covers, and Baekyeon hugs Jongdae’s body tightly when their hands meet.   
  
Even through her drunken haze, she can feel Jongdae stiffen in her arms. Baekyeon doesn’t move to give him more space because this was never a problem before. Jongdae... has always been comfortable with her. Things aren’t supposed to change.  
  
“I love you,” she whispers. Jongdae tenses up even more.  
  
_Oh crap,_  she thinks to herself. What is she saying? Why can’t she stop her mouth from running around and saying things that she doesn’t mean to say?  
  
“I love you too.”  
  
It’s not the response that she expected, to be honest. She doesn’t know why she thought Jongdae would just laugh, that he would say that he loved her too with his standard joking tone. She doesn’t know why she’s so surprised that Jongdae would say it back with full seriousness in his voice.  
  
“You’re my  _best friend,_  Jongdae. I just can’t live without you,” Baekyeon murmurs against his chest. His hands feel shaky against her body, fingers tracing familiar patterns the Baekyeon always sees him tracing absentmindedly. It's one of Those Jongdae Things: random actions and habits that he has which Baekyeon's so used to already.  
  
"I love you too," Jongdae whispers, and it's so faint that Baekyeon has to focus extremely hard to hear past the alcohol blur in her mind. It makes her brain throb to even think of anything, so she just inches closer to Jongdae and tries to fall asleep with his deep breathing serving as her guide.  
  
  
  
  
  
She wakes up to the smell of breakfast and a headache that makes her head feel like it's filled with rocks. Baekyeon turns to her side and smiles at the sight of painkillers and a glass of water. If you ever need it, a note on the table reads. She takes it gratefully.  
  
Her hands meet cold sheets when she reaches out on her other side. It makes her heart sink, a strange longing that she hasn't felt in a long time.  
  
The door opens and Jongdae walks in wearing one of his large t-shirts and with a fork in one of his hands. “Breakfast’s ready if you’re ready.”  
  
“Help me up?” She pouts and raises her arms off the bed. Jongdae sighs, putting down the fork on his desk. He reaches out to grasp her hands, but she groans in pain when he lifts her up too quickly. Jongdae decides to carry her over his shoulder and she laughs while kicking her feet out in the air.  
  
“Put me down!” she yells in between her laughter and Jongdae’s playful attempts to drop her on the floor unceremoniously. He kneels down in front of the couch and helps her sit down comfortably. The breakfast he cooked is on the coffee table, and the TV is already on, showing a rerun of an old cartoon.  
  
While they eat and let their legs tangle on the couch while they lean against the armrests, Baekyeon suddenly notices that she’s still in her clothes from last night. The thought of  _last night_  hits her like a wrecking ball.  
  
“Shit,” she mutters. Jongdae looks up from his plate of eggs and bacon to stare at her oddly. Baekyeon puts her plate down on the table and Jongdae follows suit.  
  
“What’s going on?” he asks hesitantly.  
  
“Shit, shit, shit, shit,” she repeats. Baekyeon looks up from where their ankles are touching and leans over towards him, hands placed on his shoulders to press him down against the couch. He looks up at her with wide eyes.  
  
“Baekyeon, you’re freaking me out. What’s wrong?”  
  
“Did I say anything...” She bites her lip. “Did I say anything last night?”  
  
“Of course you said something. This is you we’re talking about. I think your true calling in life is to chat someone’s ears off,” Jongdae says helpfully. Baekyeon hits his chest and sits back down again.  
  
“Come on, help me out here. I don’t know if I said something particularly weird last night.”  
  
Jongdae strokes her hair. “No matter what you might have said, I don’t remember anything except for drinking a lot and waking up beside you.”  
  
“Alright. I just thought that I might have said something I would regret.”  
  
The way Jongdae’s hand stiffens on her head is a memory that doesn’t wash away no matter how much she regrets saying anything at all.  
  
  
  
  
  
Baekyeon’s decides to join the music club in her last year in college. Kyungsoon, their captain, welcomes her with open arms, gladly accepting more talent into their relatively unknown club.  
  
She knows the thrill of holding a mic. She knows the feeling of exhilaration when she sings the very first note, the opening of a door to her innermost desires. She loves it; she  _lives_  for it. Baekyeon has always loved performing and entertaining people, and that’s why she loves the group and the group loves her back.  
  
“You’re going to have a solo song!” Kyungsoon proudly announces. She hands Baekyeon a sheet of paper with lyrics and several notes already written down for her. “I’m excited to hear you practice for our fundraiser.”  
  
Baekyeon nods, nervousness suddenly stopping her from making a sound. It’s funny how she’s suddenly shy when she’s given the opportunity to shine.  
  
The practices afterwards are more grueling than what she expected. Baekyeon is a vocalist but not a singer, and the differences between those two are clear in how she can hit every note that she has to but she can’t say a word without feeling like a robot. She’s frustrated because she’s doing  _good,_  but she has to do  _great._  Kyungsoon tells her not to be too hard on herself. Baekyeon knows that Kyungsoon’s trying her best as well, but she needs everything to be perfect so that they wouldn’t always be “just another one of those useless orgs.”  
  
On one of her practice nights when she would sleep at way past midnight just to nail a song that she’d mastered perfectly, she asks Jongdae to come over. He doesn’t reply, but he knocks on the door ten minutes later with nothing in his hands.  
  
“Where’s the ice cream?” asks Baekyeon, slightly upset. Jongdae lets himself in and places his coat on top of Sooyeon’s bed.  
  
“It’s bad for your throat, and the concert’s in one week. I don’t want to be responsible for the loss of the star’s voice.” He chuckles and sits down on her bed, beckoning her to sit down. She follows wordlessly, and her head naturally leans on his shoulder as she lies down.  
  
Jongdae sees the papers on top of her pillow. He knows her song by heart because of how many times she had talked about singing it, but he’s never heard her sing. She sits up straight, closing her eyes when she starts.  
  
Maybe it’s because she can sing it perfectly even if they put plugs in her ears so that she couldn’t hear herself while singing, or maybe it’s because he’s never realized that there was a slight rasp to her voice, but there are goosebumps on Jongdae’s skin even after a single line. It’s strange how he finds himself randomly harmonizing with her, eyes locking when they realize that they sound good--no, great-- together.  
  
Baekyeon hugs him; face pressed against his neck, arms snugly fitting around his waist. He strokes her back gently, trying to calm her down because he knows that she’s freaking out. She’s good at hiding it, but Baekyeon isn’t always invincible. She isn’t always laughing and smiling and joking around. Sometimes she gets scared, very very scared, and Jongdae’s the only one who can see that.  
  
“Thank you,” she whispers. It may look like Jongdae didn’t really do anything, but his presence is enough. She needs him a lot more than she lets on.  
  
  
  
  
  
At the most awaited day, the concert goes along smoothly. Without even expecting it, talent scouts are talking to her already, praising her “versatile range” and “commendable technique.” She doesn’t have the heart to tell them that she can’t understand a single word that they’re saying and that trying to win her over with big words isn’t going to work, so she takes their calling cards and stuffs them in her textbooks as bookmarks. Jongdae only laughs when he finds out, secretly jealous that she’s getting such a big opportunity.  
  
The rest of the group in high school take her and Kyungsoon out to congratulate them. They end up in a pizza place that knows Chanyeol and Kyungsoon really well since they always go there for their dates.  
  
“You must be a  _really_  generous boyfriend to be considered a regular in a pizza place,” Jongin teases. Kyungsoon hits him sharply with a napkin, and Jongin has to admit that the flick of the tissue against his arm kind of hurt. He stares at her with eyes of fear and whispers at Sehun and Zitao to “watch out.”  
  
“Hey, their Pizza Blanca is to  _die_  for,” Kyungsoon points out. “We’ll take two family-sized pizzas of that, and maybe a party-sized pepperoni. Is that okay with you?” she asks Chanyeol. Her boyfriend just nods absentmindedly, still enraptured at the sight of Kyungsoon’s thighs in leggings and short shorts.  
  
On the other side of the table, Baekyeon is starting to fall asleep on Joonmyun’s shoulder. “Are you okay?” he asks, and the concern is refreshing.  
  
“The adrenaline wore off and I guess the weeks of practicing have finally worn me down. I’m exhausted,” she drawls. Joonmyun pulls her closer and lets her rest her eyes while leaning on his chest.  
  
By the time the food has arrived, she’s already in deep sleep. It is eleven-thirty in the evening, and her performance high is gone already. She and Kyungsoon are already asleep, and Chanyeol decides that there’s no point in celebrating if the celebrants are both fast asleep. They eat a little and pack up the rest of the slices.  
  
Chanyeol takes his girlfriend home, and Joonmyun hesitantly opens his car door to let Baekyeon in. To his relief, Jongdae offers to drive her home instead since he knows the way by heart already. He makes her hang onto his neck and half-carries, half-drags her to his car.  
  
She’s still peacefully asleep when they arrive at her dorms. Jongdae calls Sooyeon, apologizing profusely for waking her up at twelve-thirty-nine in the morning, and asks her to help him carry Baekyeon up.  
  
“Thanks for bringing her home. She’s been so fidgety lately, and I’m just glad that she did great tonight.”  
  
Jongdae nods, making sure that she’s lying down comfortably before he leaves.

 

 

 

 

After Baekyeon graduates, she decides to spend one year resting. She sings at bars and works at a cafe in the afternoons and she’s doing all of the things that she wished she did when she was still in college.  
  
Jongdae, Chanyeol and Kyungsoon are all still in college, so she’s forced to adjust to their schedules. Out of boredom, Baekyeon decides to spend most of her time with the music club. She loves their energy: how they all truly love to sing; how they all have some inner talent that’s just waiting to be set free. The new members are all young and fresh and enthusiastic and Baekyeon absolutely loves them.  
  
One day, Kyungsoon announces the most important project that their club has ever done. “The audition tape we sent passed the judges’ criteria. We’re going to join a competition.” The entire club cheers, even the outsider Baekyeon.  
  
“ _But_  there’s a catch. It’s in Europe, and we don’t have enough funds to send ourselves to London.”  
  
“So what are we going to do?” Sunyoung asks.  
  
“We’re going to hold another fundraising concert, but it’s going to be bigger and much better,” Kyungsoon proclaims. “We’re going to invite people from everywhere, even the old sponsors from school festivals. We need to publicize this properly and make sure that the most important people know about this. Do you all understand?”  
  
She has her Iron Fist Voice, and nobody dares to do anything else but nod. They stand up and start bringing out their phones and try to talk to as many people as they can. Kyungsoon beams with pride. As soon as she and Baekyeon are alone, she squeals and runs to Baekyeon’s arms.  
  
“I’m so happy! I  _never_  thought that this would happen to the lame club that I joined four years ago,” Kyungsoon admits.  
  
“I’m happy for you. I wish I could participate though.” Baekyeon sighs, texting some of her friends to ask them if they’d be interested to watch and support them.  
  
“The concert is in one and a half months. I’m pretty sure you can master a song in that timeframe, right?” Kyungsoon hands her a paper, just like how she did it before.  
  
“Kyungsoon, I don’t know if I want this again,” says Baekyeon, voice quiet and small.   
  
“What do you mean you don’t know? You were great last year, Baekyeon.”  
  
“I was. I know that. I just don’t know if I can handle the pressure again.”  
  
Kyungsoon sighs loudly, grabbing her phone and texting someone. Barely a minute later, someone calls Baekyeon’s phone. She smiles when she sees Jongdae’s name on the screen.  
  
_“Take the solo.”_  
  
“Hello to you too, Jongdae.” She glares at Kyungsoon on the other side of the room. The other girl merely shrugs.  
  
_“Take the solo, Baekyeon. You know you want to.”_  
  
She sighs. “Jongdae, I don’t. I don’t want it. I’m not even part of the club! She should give it to someone who really deserves it.”  
  
_“Yeah, she’s doing that. And it’s you.”_  She can hear the frustration growing in Jongdae’s voice.  _“I don’t want to force you--”_  
  
“Oh really? Jongdae, you know me better than anyone. You know that I don’t want this,” she whines.  
  
_“You say that, but I know you better than anyone. I know you want this.”_  He sighs.  _“It’s just one concert, Baekyeon. It’ll be fun. You know that.”_  
  
She looks at Kyungsoon, still innocently looking at her from the other side of the room. “Fine,” she says. The cheer coming from Kyungsoon is uncharacteristically loud. She runs to Baekyeon and tackles her in a hug. She grabs the phone from Baekyeon’s hand.  
  
“Jongdae! Thank you so much for helping me out,” she chirps.  
  
_“Anything for her,”_  says Jongdae before he hangs up. Kyungsoon stares at the phone in her hand for a few moments. She decides to ignore his last sentence and hugs Baekyeon tightly.  
  
  
  
  
  
Baekyeon grabs Kyungsoon’s hand and they bow deeply, grinning at the sound of the crowd’s applause. The concert went as great as hoped, and Sunyoung estimates that the funds from the university combined with the eight companies that decided to sponsor them would be enough to send them to Europe, spend two or three days just wandering around and then bring them home.  
  
Kyungsoon helps Baekyeon put on her coat, and they greet everyone and thank them for participating well. The older girl decides to take a short walk and stuffs her phone into her pocket, asking them to just text her when they’re going to go to the celebratory party at Miyoung’s apartment.  
  
She walks to the audience area and takes a seat at the front row. The lights onstage are still turned on, giving the platform a sort of ethereal glow. Kyungsoon always tells her that, “The stage is a holy place; only the greatest find their home there.” A part of her marvels at Kyungsoon’s obvious love for performing; she’s never seen herself as that type of girl.  
  
“The set was beautiful tonight,” A man’s voice tells her. Baekyeon sharply turns to her left, surprised to see that someone’s sitting two seats away from her. His gaze shifts from the stage to her.  
  
“Very beautiful.”  
  
His cool gaze and smooth voice sends shivers down her spine, and she blushes involuntarily. “Th-thank you. We worked hard to organize this event.”  
  
“I could see the effort.” He opens his phone for a second, seemingly annoyed when he sees that there are lots of messages waiting for him. The stranger shakes his head and tries to smile. “You were great on that stage.”  
  
“Thank you,” she mutters, too embarrassed to even speak properly. The way he looks at her is too scrutinizing, as if he’s trying to look into her soul.  
  
She’s surprised to see a calling card being handed to her. Baekyeon takes the paper, reading “Jung Yonghwa” at the very top.  
  
“I’m Jung Yonghwa, a junior producer at an entertainment company.” They shake hands. “I’m not actually allowed to give you any funds, but they sent me here to see if your group has potential to win the competition. I’m glad to say that you were great. Your leader will be hearing from the company soon.”  
  
He stands up, brushing off nonexistent dust off his coat. “It was nice meeting you, Baekyeon.” She merely nods.  
  
“Call me. I’d like to talk to you sometime.” He winks cutely as he walks backward. She can see him chuckling at how her hands ball up into fists and she can’t look up from her lap. Baekyeon lifts her head to smile at him at the very least, but by then he’s already gone.  
  
Baekyeon saves the number in her phone and hopes that she’ll have the courage to call him one day.  
  
  
  
  
  
“And that’s how I ended up as a producer. Just shove your résumé down a receptionist’s throat and you’re  _definitely_  going to get the job you want,” Yonghwa jokingly says. Baekyeon is still in her business attire, fresh out of an interview to the company that she wanted to work in ever since she decided on her course in college.  
  
“Thanks for going out with me, by the way. I know you’re busy,” says Baekyeon. He shakes his head and smiles brightly.  
  
“It’s fine. I had fun.” Yonghwa holds her wrist and leans down to peck her lips. “I’ll talk to you soon.”  
  
He waves goodbye and disappears into the elevator of her apartment building. Baekyeon’s lips are still warm from the kiss, and it takes her a few moments before she remembers that she has to open the door before she can go inside. The metal of her keys feel like ice against her heated skin, still hypersensitive from the slight touch that he gave her. This is weird. She hasn’t felt like this in a long time.  
  
Kyungsoon is eating on her couch, watching TV. Baekyeon has to recall her entire day to remember why Kyungsoon’s eating one of her microwaveable meals while wearing an ugly shirt that Baekyeon hasn’t worn since her rock band obsession days during high school. The doe eyed girl turns her head and just nods at Baekyeon.  
  
“You look happy,” Kyungsoon manages to mutter past the food in her mouth. After she swallows, she makes a face. “This is horrible, by the way. I think instant noodles are better than this unhealthy crap.”  
  
“Someone’s grumpy,” teases Baekyeon. “Is this your first time fighting with Chanyeol or are you just naturally like this and I’ve only discovered this side now?”  
  
“It’s not our first time fighting. We’ve talked over the phone and we’re fine now. He’s picking me up in a while.” Kyungsoon and Chanyeol have already moved in with each other. On the rare occasions that they fight, Baekyeon is Kyungsoon’s closest friend, and she’s obligated to hold her hand while they go through the motions of ignoring each other and eventually making up and making out. Baekyeon generally dislikes it, but she’s used to this.  
  
“Don’t avoid the question, Baekyeon. Why are you so happy?” Kyungsoon grins and pats the seat beside her. Baekyeon takes off her blazer and heels and plops down on her couch. A smile finds its way onto her face, and she can’t stop the giggles from escaping her mouth.  
  
“Yonghwa’s great.”  
  
Kyungsoon chuckles. “Of course this is about him.”  
  
The other girl sits up straight. “I haven’t felt anything like this before, Kyungsoon. It’s as if he’s everything I’ve liked in a guy and  _more._  He’s charming and sweet and his voice is great and we harmonize really well and--” Kyungsoon raises a hand. “What?”  
  
“You’re rambling about how much you like someone. That means you’re still in the honeymoon phase. Get over it as fast as possible, honey. Once you reach the lowest point, there’s nowhere to go but up.”  
  
“Are you serious? You talk about all of the great things about Chanyeol, and let me point out that they are nonexistent,  _all the time,_ ” Baekhyun points out. Kyungsoon narrows her eyes at her.  
  
“Chanyeol and I have been together for three years. It’s perfectly fine for me to talk about him twenty-four seven.”  
  
Baekyeon thinks about being with Yonghwa for three years. Will they be like Chanyeol and Kyungsoon? Will they live together in the same apartment and do stupid domestic things and act like a lame married couple like how they do in TV shows? Will they even last that long?  
  
She doesn’t know what it’s like to have a relationship longer than half a year. It’s not that she’s afraid of commitment; she’s not afraid of anything. Joonmyun told her that maybe it wasn’t a fear of commitment, and maybe she just didn’t want to commit to someone. It’s not preposterous, but she knows that deep inside she wants to live together in the same apartment with someone and do stupid domestic things with someone and act like a lame married couple like how they do in TV shows with someone. She knows that she’s going to want that one day, but maybe she’s just not ready for now. Maybe that’s just it.  
  
“What was your first fight about?” Baekyeon knows that this might not be the nicest thing to talk about, even with someone who she considers her best friend’s girlfriend who’s also kind of her best friend as well. Kyungsoon doesn’t falter nor does she act like anything’s wrong. Baekyeon doesn’t take back the question.  
  
“It was my fault. I thought he was cheating on me because he wasn’t answering his calls and he wasn’t home all night. We hadn’t even been together for a year yet and weren’t living together, but I had my own drawer in his bedroom and we kind of understood each other that way. I was jealous and angry and over-thinking everything and I shouted at him when he got home the next morning. We didn’t talk for two days, and then I opened my door in the morning and saw a box in front of my door. He prepared a gift for my birthday, and the box was full of all the dumb things that we would associate with each other. He didn’t answer my calls because he was busy making it for me and he didn’t want to lie about what he was doing. I ran up to his apartment and kissed him and that was it.”  
  
Baekyeon blinks. She can imagine Chanyeol doing that: being incredibly sweet to someone that he cared so much for. And they had only been together for a few months when he decided that Kyungsoon was one of those people. It’s sickeningly cute, and the happy smile on Kyungsoon’s face shows how much she’s fond of that memory.  
  
Baekyeon can’t imagine herself with Yonghwa to be similar to Kyungsoon and Chanyeol. They’re not the same types of people, and she knows that as charming as Yonghwa is, he’s not going to be the guy that would go through hell and back just for her.  
  
Strangely enough, Jongdae would.  
  
They’ve been friends for seven years. He’s done everything and more for her, and she’s done the same for him. It brings a smile to her face.  
  
“You’re thinking of Yonghwa doing that for you, aren’t you?” Kyungsoon teases.  
  
Baekyeon lies. “Yeah. He would.”  
  
  
  
  
  
Baekyeon’s still buzzing after announcing to everyone in the gang that Yonghwa’s her boyfriend. There was this weird, triumphant feeling of finally telling everyone you care about that you’ve been in a relationship for four months already. He has an arm around her shoulders while they wait outside the restaurant that they ate in so that Jongin, Sehun and Zitao could hail a cab. His arm is steady, and she leans against him comfortably.  
  
Suddenly, her phone starts ringing. Her brother rarely ever calls her, so she knows that there’s something big happening. “Baekbom?”  
  
_“Baekyeon, mom’s in the hospital.”_  Her world stops turning for a second.  _“I need you to come here, back home. She’s critical.”_  
  
Baekyeon’s eyes widen and she turns to Jongdae. “Can you please drive me back to Bucheon? My mom is...”  
  
Jongdae just nods. “Let’s go.”  
  
“Are you sure it’s okay with you?”  
  
He sends her a look. “Come on, Baekyeon. It’s fine. I’ll go get my car from the parking lot. I’ll pick you up here.” He runs to his car.  
  
Baekyeon turns around to face her boyfriend. He’s looking at her with concern in his eyes, hand on the side of her face. “Everything’s going to be alright.”  
  
“I hope so.” She bites her lip. The thumb on her cheekbone hesitates for a moment.  
  
“You know, it’s okay with me if I drive you there,” he says quietly. She shakes her head.  
  
“He knows the way to everywhere. And I know he wants to see his family too.”  
  
“This is a boyfriend’s job.”  
  
Before she can respond properly, Jongdae honks his car horn and stops in front of them. Baekyeon pecks his lips quickly and pulls away from him. “Sorry, I have to go. I’ll see you later.”  
  
She hops into Jongdae’s car, the familiar scent of his air freshener lingering in her senses. He reaches out to squeeze her hand before they start moving.  
  
Baekyeon doesn’t want to think of Yonghwa’s words and she doesn’t want to look back to see his emotionless face staring at her. This isn’t the right time.  
  
  
  
  
  
It’s during their one year anniversary when Yonghwa pops the question.  
  
“Will you...” He takes a deep breath. It’s not very comforting for Baekyeon, and at that moment she’s thinking of how to say no in the least painful way possible.  
  
“Will you move in with me?”  
  
She doesn’t know why she’s so relieved. Still, she’s thinking of how to say no in the least painful way possible.  
  
“I’m happy that you asked me,  _really_  happy, but I’m not really ready yet,” she says awkwardly, pacing her words as slowly as she can. “I love you. I really do. I guess I want to keep my independence for a little longer?” She doesn’t know what she’s saying, but it seems to be fine when she sees Yonghwa still smiling at her.  
  
He pays for the bill and helps her out of her chair and they walk back to his car with Baekyeon in Yonghwa’s arms. She feels amazingly safe, amazingly comfortable with how they fit together. A part of her knows that this is still the honeymoon phase, and as Kyungsoon said,  _“Once you reach the lowest point, there’s nowhere to go but up.”_  Baekyeon’s hoping the phase lasts a little longer; she’s happy with staying happy like this.  
  
  
  
  
  
Jongdae strokes her hair softly as she cries on his shoulder, just like how she’s been doing for the past eight years. Her hands tighten into a fist on top of his thigh. This isn’t the worst that she’s been, but it’s been a while since he’s seen her like this.  
  
“It’s going to be alright, Baekyeon,” he murmurs into her hair. He pulls away, wiping off the tear tracks on her cheeks. Her eyes are red and puffy and she stares at him with so much emotion in her eyes. Jongdae leans forward to press a light kiss against her forehead, familiar and welcoming like how it’s always been.  
  
“It was just one bad comment. It wasn’t even  _bad;_  it was just average. And that’s fine for an overall evaluation. You’re not always going to be the best, Baekyeon. It’s not always going to be perfect scores and good feedback. But everything’s going to be fine.”  
  
She smiles freely, hugging Jongdae tightly. He always knows what to say, always giving her the boost that she really needs. Her head fits perfectly on her shoulder and his arm circles around her head. Jongdae smells like soap and Jongdae. It’s familiar, the most comforting thing for her right now.  
  
“It’s not always going to be great, Baekyeon. Not everyone’s going to kiss your ass every single day, twenty-four seven.” Baekyeon chuckles against his neck, the warmth of her voice making him laugh as well.  
  
They hear the door closing. Jongdae freezes, pulling away to look at the hallway. “What was that?”  
  
“It was probably a neighbor’s door. Don’t mind it,” she says as she wipes the new tears that have sprung up to her eyes.  
  
He checks the time and sighs. “I should probably go.”  
  
Baekyeon pouts. “Jongdae, come on. We rarely ever stay with each other now.”  
  
“We’re in the real world, Baekyeon. This is bound to happen.”  
  
“It doesn’t mean I like it. You seriously need to take a break from that firm. Why is everyone telling you to design their houses anyway?”  
  
“Maybe it’s because I’m great at my job?” Baekyeon laughs harshly, mocking him with her eyes. “Hey, I’m heavily in demand nowadays.”  
  
“Sure, sure.”  
  
He rolls his eyes. “Isn’t the company working you too hard as well? I know you’re too busy to go out with us and you’re studying for your exams too.”  
  
Baekyeon sighs heavily. “Don’t even remind me of all of that. I’m  _so_  tired of this job.”  
  
“You’ll be fine. I know you’ll be.” He hugs her again, but this time he grabs his coat from the armchair when he pulls away. “Now I really have to go. You’re just stalling me.”  
  
“Guilty as charged.” She smiles widely and squeezes his hand. “Thanks for being here.”  
  
“Gladly,” he says.  
  
When Jongdae opens the door, Yonghwa’s leaning on the wall, arms crossed. The older male looks up and glares at him. Jongdae doesn’t respond.  
  
“I really don’t know what’s your deal with my girlfriend, but I want you to back away,” Yonghwa says with a low voice. Jongdae narrows his eyes and huffs.  
  
“Are you serious? You’ve known her for a year and I’ve known her for eight. I don’t think you have the right to push away someone who’s been here for her since forever.”  
  
They stare at each other before Jongdae walks away, too tired to even deal with him. Yonghwa fixes his expression before he knocks on Baekyeon’s door. He looks at Jongdae for a second before the door opens and Baekyeon smiles at him. He can see how it dims a little when she recognizes that it’s Yonghwa, that it’s  _just_  Yonghwa. He tries to ignore it as he pulls her in for a kiss.  
  
  
  
  
  
Yonghwa strokes her hair lightly, enjoying how Baekyeon’s locks curl at the ends. They’re peacefully watching TV, one of those lame dramas that kids love so much. Her phone beeps and she’s too lazy to talk to anyone so she just glances at the lock screen.  
  
  
**From:**  jongdae  
  
please come over i really need to talk to you about something  
  
and by the way i...  
  
  
She groans and picks it up, unlocking her phone. The message at the end really wasn’t what she expected.  
  
  
**From:**  jongdae  
  
please come over i really need to talk to you about something  
  
and by the way i quit my job today  
  
  
Baekyeon stands up and grabs her coat. There’s an odd look in Yonghwa’s eyes, like a mix of suspicion and frustration. She doesn’t think it’s unjustified. It probably really makes sense, but she just doesn’t care.  
  
“I have something to do,” she mutters. He just puts on a smile and motions towards the door. “Bye.”  
  
“Bye,” he says. Baekyeon doesn’t look back when she puts on her coat and leaves her apartment.  
  
While she walks to the lobby and tries to hail a cab, she thinks of Yonghwa. He’s... changing, and she doesn’t know why. She doesn’t want to think of the look on his face a while ago. She doesn’t want to think of anyone else except for Jongdae because he’s the constant in her life up to now. He’s been the one person that hasn’t changed for her, or maybe they’re just changing together and she doesn’t notice how his body has filled out and his personality is a little mellower and his smile isn’t the same anymore. Neither is hers anyway.  
  
He’s waiting by the door when she arrives at his apartment. Baekyeon runs up to hug him, thinking that this isn’t a good thing. Jongdae laughs and pulls away.  
  
“This isn’t a bad thing, Baekyeon.” The shine in his eyes is back. “I’m happy.”  
  
She holds his face and sighs. “I’d usually support you, but isn’t this a little too reckless, even for you?”  
  
Jongdae holds her hands and guides her inside his apartment. The furniture is rearranged and it gives her a warmer vibe. He grins at her.  
  
“I fixed it myself. I always liked arranging these things, you know.” They sit down on the couch, and this time it faces the large window leading to a good view of the street in front and a few of the buildings at the back. It reminds her of the time that they were hunting for an apartment for her. It’s nostalgic, and Baekyeon looks up at him to see the blissful smile on his face. Those were very different days, and she was happy for very different reasons back then.  
  
“Interior designing?” she asks. Jongdae nods. Baekyeon closes her eyes and leans against him.  
  
“I’m happy for you.”  
  
“Thank you,” he whispers against her hair.  
  
After a while, he asks, “Can you stay?” Baekyeon thinks of Yonghwa, of that specific look on his face, of the change that’s been happening to him. She shakes it all off by smiling and saying, “Yeah. I’ll stay.”  
  
It’s not just being able to stay. It’s also wanting to.  
  
  
  
  
  
Yonghwa breaks up with her a few months later.  
  
Of course she’s outraged. Of course she’s hurt. Of course she tries to find out why he’s leaving her, what’s happening, is there anyone else? And what really matters is: did the past two years ever matter to him? Did she matter to him?  
  
She catches him right before he enters the waiting room in the airport. He’s about to leave for Japan in a hour or so, and she wants to clear her mind just before he leaves. She loved him, probably still does.  
  
“Why?” she asks. Her voice is shaking; her hands on his arm are shaking. Yonghwa stands there, unfazed, uncaring.  
  
“Because you already had a boyfriend.”  
  
“What?” she asks incredulously.  
  
“Why are you even asking? Just look at you and Jongdae. What am I against someone who’s known you since forever, someone who practically treats you like a girlfriend anyway? How am I going to compete against someone who you’d go to willingly even when I’m still there? I was supposed to be the one to drive you to somewhere that could be a thousand miles away at the dead of night without even complaining once; I was supposed to be the one to hold your hand all night when you’re sick or scared. But you put him first, Baekyeon.”  
  
“He’s my  _best friend,_ ” she meekly whispers. Her voice is starting to crack, starting to show the fear that she had tried so hard to hide. She doesn’t want him to leave. She doesn’t want to be alone.  
  
“He’s your best friend. He’s so devoted to you and he’s the one who drives you to somewhere that could be a thousand miles away at the dead of night without even complaining once. He’s the one who would hold your hand all night when you’re sick or scared.”  
  
Yonghwa shakes her hands away and walks away. He doesn’t look back.  
  
Baekyeon walks out of the airport and into the parking lot, desperately looking for Jongdae’s car. By the time she sinks into the passenger seat, her tears are already streaming down her cheeks. She feels Jongdae reaching out to touch her and she stops him before they can even make contact.  
  
“Don’t. Just don’t touch me,” she says with a low voice.  
  
“Baekyeon, I’m here for you. Just tell me what happened.”  
  
“Do you really want to know? Really, Jongdae?” The man nods slowly.  
  
_“This is all your fault.”_  
  
Jongdae narrows his eyes at her. “Excuse me?”  
  
“Just take me home,” Baekyeon says, tears still freely falling from her eyes.  
  
Jongdae doesn’t start the car. “Really? You tell me that it’s my fault that your boyfriend broke up with you and you actually have the courage to order me around?”  
  
“Yes, Jongdae. Yes I do. He broke up with me because of  _you._  He broke up with me because you were ‘so devoted to you and he’s the one who drives you to somewhere that could be a thousand miles away at the dead of night without even complaining once. He’s the one who would hold your hand all night when you’re sick or scared. But you put him first.’ That’s what he said to me, Jongdae. He left me because I had  _you._ ”  
  
The man doesn’t reply, just starts the car and grips the steering wheel until his knuckles turn white.  
  
“Just take me home. Please.”  
  
“He drives ahead, not even daring to look at her side.”  
  
  
  
  
  
“Get out of my car.”  
  
“Look, Jongdae--”  
  
“Stop. You said it yourself: he left you because he thought that you had me. Apparently, it was wrong to be a good friend and drive you to wherever you wanted to go at whatever time you needed to, or hold your hand when you need someone to hold you. Apparently, I stole his job from him because i was doing what I’ve been doing for years now.  
  
“I have been with you since high school, Baekyeon. I have watched men come and go in your heart. That’s your problem. You fall in love too easily and with too many people. And the worst part is that they leave, and you’re always,  _always,_  left behind. But you know what? While they were busy leaving you, I stayed. I’ve been here for years. I’ve watched you lose parts of yourself because you deny the fact that you fall in love as if it’s easy to fall out of it, but you regret doing that because they’re always the ones who leave.  _I’ve stayed._  You don’t deserve to tell me that it’s my fault that someone walked out of your life again.  
  
“If you want me to stay like how I’ve stayed for the past few years, then I will. If you want me to leave because you don’t want the same thing to happen to your next boyfriend, then I’ll leave. I’ll give you time to think about it. If you call me tomorrow, I’ll be there. If you don’t, then you don’t. For now, I need you to get out of my car.”  
  
Baekyeon wipes the tears away from her face and opens the door. Jongdae pretends to not notice how she looks back at him for a split second, how she looks at him as if she’s sorry. But Jongdae isn’t going to be that easy anymore. This wasn’t what he wanted, but maybe it’s what she needs.  
  
It’s always been about her. He’s always cared about her more than anyone else. And maybe that’s his problem. Her problem is how she falls in love too much; his problem is how he doesn’t care about anyone else but her.  
  
  
  
  
  
**To:**  jongdae  
  
i’m sorry. i really am. i acted like such a bitch and i know that you’re right. i have my own problems and faults and i make mistakes a lot. one of those is saying everything i said yesterday.  
  
  
**From:**  jongdae  
  
it’s alright. i forgive you. i know i forced you to make a decision today, so i’ll understand if you still want space. it’s okay. i’ll understand.  
  
  
**To:**  jongdae  
  
it’s not that i want space. but maybe i need it? thank you for understanding, jongdae. thank you for everything.  
  
  
**To:**  jongdae  
  
no matter what happens, you’re still my best friend. and i love you.  
  
  
Jongdae doesn’t reply.  
  
  
  
  
  
Kyungsoon smacks her arm. Baekyeon winces in pain, but she knows that she deserves it. The younger girl keeps on hitting her until Baekyeon hides under her covers to block the incoming hits.  
  
“Please stop,” she begs Kyungsoon. She only shakes her head.  
  
“You are so dumb. Jongdae is a blessing to you and you throw him away like that?”  
  
“I didn’t throw him away! We’re okay now, but we just need space.”  
  
Kyungsoon pulls the blankets down to reveal the terrified look on Baekyeon’s face. “Space turns into distance, Baekyeon. Don’t lose Jongdae.”  
  
  
  
  
  
It’s in a rare Friday night meet up at a bar when they touch each other again. The entire group is there, but Yifan’s kind of not there with how he’s asleep on Zitao’s shoulder. The younger male is also trying not to fall asleep, but Sehun hugs his waist and tries to coax him into passing out. Yixue and Luhan are kissing as per usual, and Joonmyun is busy texting his boyfriend of two years on his phone.  
  
None of them talk about Yifan and Joonmyun and how they haven’t reconciled after four years. None of them talk about the pained look on Yifan’s face when he found out that Joonmyun and his boyfriend, Himchan, have moved in together. None of them talk about Yifan’s few and far in between relationships with random people; they don’t talk about how the longest one only lasted three months. None of them talk about the fact that both Yifan and Joonmyun are just forcing themselves to stay in this circle of friends even if it means having to see each other.  
  
Baekyeon’s had a little too much to drink and her tolerance has significantly lowered since her college days. Involuntarily, she allows someone to place an arm around her shoulders and pull her closer so she could lean on someone’s chest. It’s warm and comfortable until someone kisses her forehead and she realizes that it’s Jongdae.  
  
She doesn’t mean to do it, but she jerks away from him. Jongdae’s expression doesn’t change, but she wishes she could wipe away the hidden sadness that she knows is there. He’s not the only one who’s hiding sadness though. Baekyeon’s just better at hiding it.  
  
  
  
  
  
Baekyeon’s feeling extremely horrible one night, and Kyungsoon still isn’t talking to her properly. She loves the younger girl a lot, and she knows she deserves the detached treatment. She’s desperate, so she texts Jongdae.  
  
  
**To:**  jongdae  
  
come over please  
  
  
**From:**  jongdae  
  
sorry i’m still at work.  
  
  
She knows that he’s lying. A part of her knows that she’s losing everyone that matters to her because of what happened with Yonghwa. She knows that it’s all her fault and she still can’t stop blaming herself. It’s been nearly a year, but things aren’t back to normal yet.  
  
Baekyeon doesn’t know why, but she texts Yifan.  
  
  
**To:**  kris wu yifan  
  
what do you do when you want something or someone but you don’t know how to fix things  
  
  
**From:**  kris wu yifan  
  
Wait for six years and hope that everything will work out somehow.  
  
  
**To:**  kris wu yifan  
  
that isn’t helpful  
  
  
**From:**  kris wu yifan  
  
It wasn’t meant to be helpful. Maybe you’ll wait for six years and nothing will happen. Maybe you’ll wait for six days and everything will work out. You can’t control it.  
  
I know this is about Jongdae. Face it, Baekyeon. You messed up a lot. But I’m sure that Jongdae loves you, be it as a friend or more than that. I’m sure things will be alright for both of you because I know that neither of you want to lose your friendship.  
  
  
  
  
  
“Kyungsoon, I don’t know what to do. I said no to her and we  _never_  say no to each other. I feel horrible for doing this,” Jongdae complains. Kyungsoon, as usual, sighs and hits him.  
  
“Do something. Say something. Tell her to come to you.”  
  
  
**To:**  baekyeon  
  
please come over  
  
  
The girl on his couch rolls her eyes at him. “Both of you have been like this for months now. If you’re so desperate to talk to each other, why don’t you actually  _talk?_  I think it would be better than running to other people because you’re scared to run back to each other.”  
  
Jongdae’s phone beeps.  
  
  
**From:** baekyeon  
  
sorry i’m really sick  
  
  
“She’s lying,” Jongdae says.  
  
“Of course she is. Now go make up and make out already,” Kyungsoon urges him.  
  
“What?” Jongdae stops pacing in front of the window. Kyungsoon’s expression changes.  
  
“Go.  _Just fix things._ ”  
  
“What do I do?” The desperation in Jongdae’s voice is incredibly loud in the closed space of his living room. Kyungsoon sees it flaring in his eyes, spreading all over his body until his hands are shaking with the need to do something.  
  
“Don’t wait for her to go to you. Go to her.”  
  
Jongdae doesn’t hesitate when he grabs his coat and keys and runs to the elevator. He drives quickly to her apartment, traffic rules be damned, and knocks loudly on her door. He doesn’t hear any movement from inside, so he gets her spare key and opens the door by himself.  
  
He can hear her from inside her room, and she’s unmistakably crying. Jongdae opens the door, and Baekyeon curls into her blankets. “Go away,” she mutters, muffled by the cloth surrounding her.  
  
Jongdae sits down on the bed and pulls the sheets away. Her eyes are red and puffy and she looks at him with defiance in her eyes. He holds her face gently, stroking his thumb over her cheekbones like how he always would. The familiar warmth on her face makes her start crying again.  
  
She leans up and hugs him tightly, arms around his neck. Jongdae doesn’t waste any time, and he pulls her waist closer to him. This is familiar, and it’s comforting. Baekyeon misses it so much.  
  
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I’m still sorry.”  
  
“It’s okay. I’ve forgiven you long before.” The vibrations of his voice make her shiver. “I just miss you.”  
  
“Me too. I miss you a lot.”  
  
“What can’t you miss about me though?”  
  
Baekyeon starts laughing and she pulls away from his embrace. “You are such an ass.”  
  
They lie down and joke about things that they haven’t joked about in months. They talk like the best friends that they really are, and Baekyeon is just content. She’s happy to have him again, to hear him laughing to his own lame jokes again. Things are going to be just fine.  
  
  
  
  
  
They’re eating lunch with Yifan, Sehun, Zitao and Jongin when Baekyeon asks the question that she’s been waiting to ask for months. “Why aren’t you dating anyone?”  
  
Jongdae blinks at her. “Is that a problem?”  
  
“I mean, when was the last time you got laid?” She smirks, a dangerous glint in her eyes.  
  
“Last week,” Jongdae says matter-of-factly.  
  
Sehun snorts. “Last week and two years ago, I bet.”  
  
Jongin and Yifan start laughing and Jongdae glares at the youngest male. “Very funny. I also find the pictures of you and Zitao in my phone absolutely  _hilarious._ ”  
  
Zitao’s eyes widen. “You’re an ass.”  
  
“Thanks.” Jongdae grins at them.  
  
Baekyeon stands up, grabbing her bag. “Thanks for the lunch, guys. I’ll make it all up to you someday, but right now I have two deadlines today and I’ve barely started on them.” She pats Jongdae’s head. “We’re going to talk about your lack of relationships later.” The man just glares at her, even more harshly than how he glared at Sehun.  
  
When she arrives at her workplace, Taeyeon greets her at her cubicle. “Hey, how’s the Canada project?”  
  
“I’m working on it in a while,” Baekyeon answers absently. An idea suddenly hits her.  
  
“Taeyeon,” the girl turns around to face her, “are you busy on Friday night?”  
  
“I’m not. Why are you asking?”  
  
“Would you like to go on a date with one of my closest friends?”  
  
  
  
  
  
Taeyeon turns her chair around, making Baekyeon squeak in surprise. The older girl is grinning at her, and Baekyeon is pleased but also a little alarmed. “Is there anything wrong?”  
  
“No, I just wanted to thank you for setting me up with Jongdae. He was such a gentleman during the entire night, and now he’s asking me out on a second date!” Baekyeon smiles.  _Mission accomplished._  
  
“I don’t know why you’re just best friends with him though. He’s such a great guy and if I’ve been his friend for ten or so years, I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself from falling for him,” Taeyeon says dreamily. Baekyeon chuckles, but she does start thinking. Did she ever fall for Jongdae?  
  
  
  
  
  
Baekyeon is in desperate need for Chinese food, so she calls Jongdae in hopes that he’s not busy with his architecture crap and they can go out to eat lunch together. She’s surprised when a woman’s voice picks up the phone.  
  
_“Hello? Baekyeon?”_  
  
Her eyes widen when she realizes who she’s talking to, who Jongdae’s with at the moment. “Taeyeon! Is Jongdae there?”  
  
_“Ah yes, he’s here. Wait a second.”_  
  
Taeyeon is with Jongdae. Jongdae is with Taeyeon. She honestly doesn’t know what she expected by setting them up together.  
  
_“Hey, Baekyeon.”_  She doesn’t respond for a while.  _“Is everything alright?”_  
  
She snaps back into herself. “Oh! Yeah, everything’s fine. I just wanted to know if you’re free for lunch today.”  
  
Baekyeon can almost see his grin from the other end of the line.  _“As long as you pay.”_  
  
  
  
  
  
Taeyeon goes to work with a cloud hanging over her head. Baekyeon’s cubicle is right beside hers, so they often talk to each other when they’re not doing anything. Right now, Taeyeon doesn’t look like she’d enjoy a conversation with anybody. Baekyeon still tries though.  
  
“Is everything alright?” she asks tentatively. The sad look that Taeyeon gives her tells Baekyeon otherwise.  
  
“Jongdae broke up with me,” she mutters. Baekyeon bites her lip and rolls her chair towards her to give her a hug. Taeyeon welcomes the embrace, sighing for the sixth time already.  
  
“Your best friend is an ass.”  
  
Baekyeon doesn’t know why, but she starts laughing. “He is. I’m sure of that.’  
  
  
  
  
  
Luhan is in Jongdae’s apartment when Baekyeon decides to visit her best friend. His living room is filled with pictures of everyone during their high school days, and it suddenly occurs to Baekyeon that it’ll be ten years since they graduated high school in a few months. She sees pictures of Sehun before his massive final growth spurt, Luhan and Minhee as the head editors of their newspaper, Yifan and Joonmyun posing beside each other after a basketball game that Yifan’s team won. They had only been dating for a few weeks, but Yifan secretly had an arm around his waist in that picture.  
  
“Hey, Baekyeon!” Luhan tries to stand up to hug her, but there’s a photo album on his lap and Baekyeon messes up his hair as a greeting.  
  
“What are you two doing?” she asks. High school was pretty great, but she doesn’t see the point in going through all of these pictures for a moment of nostalgia.  
  
“We’re organizing the ten year-mark reunion,” Luhan explains. “I’m in charge of the general events planning and Jongdae’s in charge of logistics and the smaller details.”  
  
“Want to help out?” Jongdae asks, handing her their old yearbook. She takes it and sits down on any space that isn’t covered with pictures. “Here’s my laptop. Try contacting as many as you can. I’m sure word will spread soon so let’s just contact those we know.”  
  
Baekyeon looks through the pages and recalls all the people she knew back then. Her world was so much smaller back then, and only then does she realize that she’s twenty-eight years old and she’s been independent from her parents’ funding for seven years. It’s strange how much time had passed already.  
  
Every single one of these people has a story and are living their own lives. Somehow, she forgot that these people once filled her entire world. High school was a long time ago, and they’ve all come a long way since then.  
  
  
  
  
  
Kyungsoon hugs Baekyeon when they meet up at a restaurant. Baekyeon is startled at the sudden display of affection, but she welcomes the hug nonetheless.  
  
“Can you keep a secret?” Kyungsoon asks. Her doe eyes are gleaming with excitement, and Baekyeon is a little freaked out but she’s excited as well.  
  
“I don’t make any promises, but okay.”  
  
Kyungsoon raises her left hand, and on her ring finger is a diamond ring. “Chanyeol proposed.”  
  
Baekyeon’s eyes widen, staring at the beautiful ring on her finger. “When?”  
  
“Just last night. We went to dinner in a fancy restaurant and he was so nervous the entire night. I kind of felt as if he was going to do something big like this, but dinner passed by without any event. We started walking at this park and that’s where he knelt down and brought out a ring. It was so sweet, and saying no didn’t even cross my mind. I just hugged him and that was it.”  
  
The way she talked showed how much adoration she had for her boyfriend-turned-fiancé. Kyungsoon has a new glow on her skin, a brighter spark in her eyes.  
  
“You love him.”  
  
“I love him so much. We’ve been together for nine years, and I can’t imagine myself with anyone else but him. I guess that’s what love is: seeing yourself with someone and feeling the happiness you’ll get just by thinking about it.”  
  
Baekyeon thinks about it, and the only person she can imagine herself being with is Jongdae. Maybe not as lovers, but she can see herself waking up and seeing him beside her. She can feel the kiss that he’ll place on her forehead, and the warmth of his breath against her face when he greets her,  _“Good morning.”_  
  
“I guess so,” Baekyeon whispers. She doesn’t know if she’s ready to tell Kyungsoon that Jongdae’s that person for her, that Jongdae’s the reason for the smile on her face right now. She doesn’t even know if what she’s feeling is her usual appreciation for him or if it’s the love that Kyungsoon’s talking about.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Baekyeon’s one of the first people to arrive at the reunion. The pillars inside the building are lined with fairy lights, and everything gives this soft glow of nostalgia. It reminds her of the lights at the auditorium where they graduated. She thinks it’s intentional.  
  
Jongdae hugs her from behind and she laughs, making sure that he doesn’t tear any of the delicate lace on her dress. He places his chin on her shoulder and aligns their bodies. The embrace is warm, and she welcomes his touch.  
  
“No PDA, please,” Luhan interrupts. Just in time, Yixue appears and pulls him in for a kiss. Jongdae clears his throat, arm still around Baekyeon’s waist.  
  
_“No PDA, please,”_  Jongdae mimics. He holds her hand and guides her to the registration table. She signs beside her name and Jongdae gives her a name card.  
  
She turns around and sees Yixue and Luhan staring at each other lovingly. Usually, she’d make fun of them. But now she’s seeing these couples in a different light, and it takes her a few seconds to realize that she’s already staring at them.  
  
Baekyeon pulls Yixue away from Luhan’s gaze and they walk to the ladies’ room. Yixue doesn’t question anything and just starts fixing her makeup. Baekyeon’s too busy trying to see if there’s something on her ring finger.  
  
“Yixue, I have a question.”  
  
“Yes?” She smiles and looks at Baekyeon at the mirror.  
  
“You and Luhan have been together for years now and you’re still not married or engaged or anything. Why?”  
  
Yixue’s laugh is melodic, sweet to Baekyeon’s ears. “I’m going to show you something, but you have to promise not to tell anyone.” She pulls out her necklace from where it’s hiding beneath her dress, and a beautiful ring is hanging at the string. Baekyeon gapes at it.  
  
“We were engaged around two years ago. While we were planning the wedding quietly, it was like a part of me didn’t want to get married. I didn’t want to tell him because I didn’t want to ruin anything. He might have thought that he was the problem or that I didn’t want to marry him. I didn’t want to marry him, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t in love with him.  
  
“After a few weeks of having that crisis, he opened up to me and told me that he felt the same way. And there was this moment when we understood each other completely. We took off the rings on our fingers and we still have it, just to remind us that we don’t really need marriage. We love each other, but neither of us wants the legal bond that would tie us to each other for the rest of our lives.”  
  
Baekyeon blinks. They’re so different compared to Chanyeol and Kyungsoon, but she can still see that there is some kind of bond between Yixue and Luhan. You don’t need to have a large ceremony or golden bands to show that you’re in love with someone. Sometimes looking at them like they’re the absolute center of your world is enough.  
  
  
  
  
  
Jongdae is beaming at everyone, and Baekyeon notices that he’s in such a good mood. “Why are you so happy tonight?”  
  
“I organized this. I fixed all of this and it came together. I’m really happy, Baekyeon.” His eyes are shining with happiness, but when he looks at her it slightly softens. Even if they’re in their seats, he places an arm around her waist, hugging her from the side.  
  
When Yifan arrives and Chanyeol loudly announces his presence, there’s tension in the table. Even if they’ve met up as a group lots of times before, something changed between Yifan and Joonmyun. They would usually just try their best not to speak or look at each other, but now Yifan greets him with a quiet, “Joonmyun.”  
  
He looks up from his seat and smiles slightly under Yifan’s gaze. “Yifan.”  
  
Jongdae whispers something but Baekyeon doesn’t catch it. She leans against him, only slightly buzzed by the glass of wine she just drank. She’s warm and comfortable against him and his hands hold her firmly, so she stays.  
  
It’s not just being able to stay. It’s also wanting to.  
  
  
  
  
  
Jongdae clears his throat as he stays under the spotlight, waiting for the background music of his song choice to play. Baekyeon’s at her seat in the booth, staring at him. She wasn’t able to catch what song he was starting to sing, but her mind blanks out when he sings the first note.  
  
She doesn’t hear his voice. She can’t recognize the words. All she can see is Jongdae staring at her earnestly, his mouth shaping out words that seem to be directed to her. And her body goes numb, her thoughts are just a buzz; Jongdae is singing this song for her.  
  
It’s not a subtle confession. During the entire song, he’s looking at her, and so is everyone else in the bar. Her lips curve up into a smile on their own; her eyes involuntarily tear up.  _Jongdae is singing this song for her._  
  
As he sings the last note, he hasn’t broken eye contact with her. He hands the mic to someone else, and he walks up to sit beside her. Jongdae has an arm around her shoulders and she leans against him. It’s familiar, it’s how they’ve been for twelve years now. Nothing much has changed, but now even the slightest contact warms her skin and sends shivers all over her body. She can hear his breathing, slightly erratic after singing a ballad with a lot of high notes. He kisses her forehead and Baekyeon relaxes. Nothing much has changed.  
  
  
  
  
  
They pass by Joonmyun and Yifan sitting on the bench in a playground, sweetly kissing. Baekyeon always knew that they would find their way back to each other, and she remembers her conversation with Yifan a few years ago. He had been waiting for years now, and he never gave up on making Joonmyun his again. His persistence reminds her of Jongdae’s persistence; Baekyeon wonders why she never saw how much effort Jongdae put for her.  
  
“Let’s go home,” Jongdae says. She nods, and she doesn’t question why he’s driving to his apartment instead of dropping her off at her own.  
  
The elevator ride up to the fifth floor is quiet, but neither of them is complaining. There are enough words that had been spoken and a lot more that are yet to be said, but this isn’t the time. There’s no rush.  
  
The living room is barely lit by the lamp on the table. They stay near the window, and the warm glow of the lamp and the pale moonlight streaming from outside create a serene atmosphere. Jongdae laces their fingers together and hugs her close by the waist.  
  
“What now?” she asks. It’s not the smoothest thing to say at the moment; Jongdae even chuckles.  
  
“You never looked at me,” he whispers, leaning his forehead against hers. “I’ve been here for years, right in front of you, but you never looked at me. I thought that being called the ‘best friend’ was a good enough sign for me to give up, but I didn’t. You were worth it, Baekyeon. Even watching you getting hurt and hurting myself in the process was worth it because I have you.”  
  
She’s starting to tear up. “I tried to hide it, Jongdae. It hurt me when Yonghwa broke up with me because of you. It hurt me, not because I lost him, but because I almost lost you after that. Kyungsoon told me that space turns into distance after a while, and I cried myself to sleep just thinking of not having you here with me anymore.”  
  
“I was worried that I’d just end up wasting most of my life waiting for you.”  
  
“I would have wasted most of my life if I hadn’t looked at you.”  
  
Jongdae tilts his head and carefully, slowly, gently pressed their lips together. Her hands trail up his arm to hold onto the back of his neck, pulling him closer and making the kiss firmer. He closes the small distance between their chests.  
  
Neither of them knows how long they stayed in that position. Neither of them minded anyways.  
  
“I love you, Jongdae,” Baekyeon whispers. She remembers the time that she said that to him and she meant a completely different kind of love.  
  
“I love you too.” She remembers the look on his face, and she feels guilty when she thinks of just how long he waited for her.  
  
  
  
  
  
Baekyeon wakes up to the sunlight against her face and Jongdae sleeping beside her. She grins, the memory of last night catching up to her. She kisses his lightly and stands up to cook breakfast for them.  
  
Halfway through frying the eggs, she hears the bedroom door open and Jongdae hugs her from behind, kissing her temple. “I’ve always wanted to do that,” he mumbles sleepily.  
  
Baekyeon turns off the stove and turns around to kiss him, gently biting at his soft lips. “I’ve always wanted to do that.”  
  
Food forgotten, Jongdae lifts her up to sit on the counter and pulls her in for another lazy kiss. Her hands roam all over his back, kneading at the tense muscles of his shoulders.  
  
“I love you,” he says breathlessly. “I’ve always wanted to say that and know that you understand exactly how much I do.”  
  
“I love you. I have for a very long time, but I guess I never understood how much I did.”  
  
Jongdae smiles up at her and she laughs. This was ten years in the making.

 

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted on 19/01/2014 in [junfhongs @ lj](http://junfhongs.livejournal.com/17314.html)
> 
> follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/amenochieien)!!!


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